Trust

I like arguing with you because you make me feel like your faith in something you believe in is greater than any proof I have that can support my argument against your argument.

I like how perturbed you get when I make more sense than you do. You would squint your eyes, knit your eyebrows together, get your lips to quiver, and let your fists be braced by rage. My ego gets even more aroused when you start to look away and seem as though you’re refraining yourself from hurting me.

It’s cute.

You’re cute.

You’re cute when you protect your belief from anything against it. I find you adorable because of that. Really.

I can imagine you fighting for me. You’d shut down any idea given to you that’s about me being unfaithful. I like that idea. It’s not because I am unfaithful. It’s because I want to know what it’s like to be trusted that much.

I want you to search for me after defending me behind my back. Once you see me, I want you to let out a sigh of relief; then smile, walk towards me, pull me, and kiss my forehead. I’ll look at you and blink, then I’ll ask you, “What’s the matter?” You’ll give me a bigger smile and answer me that nothing’s wrong. You’ll think, “She’s not the kind of girl who cheats. I trust her.”

But that’s not what happened.

You went to see me that night and caught me with a guy. I told you that we were just friends, but you didn’t believe me. You punched the guy and said cruel things to him. You were mad, and you were looking at me. You called me a bitch without knowing what the truth was.

We argued that night, and all the blame was pinned on me even though I was the one telling the truth. I cried back then, especially because you left. I cried on the next evening and the evening that came after that.

I love arguing with you. I love imagining you defending your beliefs. But that night, you broke my heart because your faith in me disappeared so suddenly just because of an assumption or accusation. You believed in your accusation more than you believed in me. And I hated that.

That’s why when you apologized and asked me if I wanted us to be together again, I said, “Convince me why I should want us to be together again.”

And although I regret what I said, I want you to regret losing your faith in me. I love you. I really do. But I just can’t be with someone who can’t trust me. Once you believe in me with such great faith, come back for and to me.

But you never came back.

You never did even though I waited.

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