The Sudden

Usually, I find myself staring at the window, admiring the painted view by the great Being, and trying to remember a song I often put on repeat; but that usual thing has changed. What was usual got disturbed by the sudden just as how you appeared in my boring life. And guess what, you are also the one who caused the latest disturbance.

A while ago, I found myself staring at the window. What your god had painted was not the one I saw. All I saw was a scene that involved us—with me, crying, and you, leaving. That was all I could see, and it kept on repeating. I heard the pauses made by a crying girl, then a “Don’t leave me!” or “Come back!” pleading bothered by a voice crack. Everything I could remember made me feel like my present was the past—as though that moment of abandonment became every moment in my life.

You see, you took me by surprise. I was undeniably in love with you and our relationship. And I thought that you were, too. I thought, I thought that we were both happy—that we were both content with each other. But then, the musings of your love for me got triggered by another girl.

Was I not enough?

I cannot just accept the fact that you left when I know that I have done nothing wrong to make you go away. I have done everything to make you stay. And still, I ended up losing you. Why?

Is it because of her?

Why did I lose you when almost everything I did was for the sake of making you stay? I wanted us happy together. I didn’t want an ending, so why did you give me one?

How am I supposed to do the usual without being haunted by the memory of the sudden?

Why did you break my heart when I gave you no reason to break it?

Simple. It’s her. She’s the sudden in your life. I’m the usual. You’re tired of me even if I’m not tired of you. I hope you won’t get tired of her, too. I hope you won’t get tired of each other.

But I want you to come back and fix me. I can wait. Please, please come back.


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