A Letter of Sacrifice

Dearest,
I have loved you more than ever and my feelings have yet to soften their cries. However, I am willing to stop them. I believe that my feelings for you are a burden, and if anything, the only option you’re considering is to break my heart in order to have me stay away from you. But, Beloved, before I leave, I have things to offer.

Break my bones. Turn them into your writing materials.

Skin me alive, Dear. Let that be the cover of your precious work. Let it be the cover of your book.

Make me bleed. You need an ink, do you not?

That is how I love you, Dear. If I were as much as a burden, then please do what you wish to make me become something useful to you.

The Darkness is the Sun

The Darkness is the Sun

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to replace the light coming from the sun with darkness? Let us just imagine it. Imagine the darkness passing through your curtains while you are doing something that may or may not be important. Imagine going outside and looking at the sun just to be greeted by dark rays. The rays love to touch the ground and make their presence obvious to us. What would it be like if the sun’s light became something that could not help you see. You are not blinded, but it makes you seem as though you are.

There are things that I cannot escape from no matter how hard I try to run away from them. No matter what I do, I am haunted by them. I have tried to get rid of them, but I cannot. Well, honestly, I do not even know how to. They like me very much, and they love making me feel like I should be buried already. They love to blame me for the things I have and have not done. They love to make me feel like I cannot trust anybody, and that I am always watched by others who can notice my flaws or who are judging me. They love to love me while I am hating myself more and more each day just because of how they make me see myself. They make me think that I should be ashamed of my own being. I know what they are doing to me, but I cannot stop them from doing the things that they do. They are my demons. And I am their victim.

The darkness is everywhere, and I can’t escape from it. The darkness is the sun, and I don’t even need to look at it directly to be blind.

That Empty “I Love You”

That Empty “I Love You”

Falling in love with him was a punishment. I had to give myself limitations. My happiness depended on his, but his happiness never depended on mine. I cared, he didn’t. Still, he’d tell me that he loves me. I’d believe him. However, believing was my mistake. Maybe I wanted those words from him. Yes, I did. But they weren’t enough. They didn’t feel right. He didn’t make them feel like they’re right.

Maybe he loved me through words, but I loved him through feelings. Maybe it’s what set us apart in the first place. Anybody could be loved through those words, but not anybody could be loved so easily with feelings involved.

Earphones On

I used to listen to music just so I can listen to the songs that I like. I used to listen just for entertainment. However, it’s not like that anymore.

Ever since the beginning of college, I have realized how dependent I’ve become of it. Every time I walk down the street, go to school, need to calm myself, want to cry, feel like dying, have no one, have so much emotions or feelings bottled up inside me, or almost anytime I can listen to music, I listen to it.

When I feel extremely anxious or depressed or triggered, I listen to songs. But it’s not enough. It’s a distraction, not an answer or solution.

The volume gets louder and louder the more triggered or anxious or depressed I am. It’s my only escape.

Missing

She made him
love the rain,
but now that
she’s no longer around,
he cries
every time
there’s a rainbow.

There’s nothing beautiful
about the disappearance of his rain.

There’s nothing beautiful
about the disappearance of his beloved.